When Fire Rises

My dream felt a little weird last night, because some of the people in it were taken from TV shows and movies, but I know what they were representing so it's okay. It just made it a little awkward to watch, haha.

My dream was about a man, magical and powerful in his own right, but who craved more. His reasons may have been justified, at least in his own mind, but he sought to awaken a great force of Fire energy. He stated that it was to combat a rising evil, but the energy he summoned wasn't pure, it was corrupt and fed off negativity and anger. It took the form of a man in my dream, and he appeared handsome, wise, strategically knowledgeable, and intelligent both in theory and in practice.

Rather than unleashing him upon the world, the man kept him contained in a fiery cave, with tall pillars of earth to hold up the ceiling and scattered pools of magma steaming and heating the area. Flames danced on the surface of these pools, lighting the entire cavern with an orange glow. Needless to say, it was quite hot down there, but the Fire energy was in his element, and enjoyed it.

The man hoped this Fire energy would train others to aid him in his battle against evil, and a sort of training grounds was devised in the cavern with wooden training dummies that didn't burn and obstacle courses to teach their bodies to move swiftly and nimbly in any situation. Unfortunately, the Fire energy had plans of his own, and as he grew stronger he began seeking a way out of his cavern prison. Though his intentions were never stated, I got the feeling he wanted to immerse the world in flames and rise to rule the elements.

In time, the man realized he was wrong and became afraid of the Fire energy because he knew he could not control it and that he could not keep him contained much longer. The Fire energy was no longer training men for the great battle against evil--but was now raising an army of his own, full of willing followers studying and worshiping his power.

As in all epic tales, where there is evil, good will rise up against it. And rise they did... a mix of people began to appear as if by magic, stepping out from behind pillars and falling from the sky to land gracefully in a combat-ready battle pose. Some of these people seemed to represent the other elements, there to bring balance back to nature. Some were there to quench the flames and offer a disadvantage to the Fire energy, and still others were only there because they were fighters and their skills had been called to light. Regardless their reasons, they formed a force greater than Fire alone, and defeated the energy, casting him back to his place in the great balance of nature, and stripping him of his human form (thus removing his human emotion from existence, which may have been the key to his negative and power-hungry tendencies).

This was not done in peace, however. A great battle had taken place, with casualties on both sides. There was no celebration of glory for the combined heroes; instead they simply shared a smile and a few kind words, and held a moment of silence out of respect for the fallen.

With no further reason to be gathered, the forces of good went their separate ways once more. The man was ashamed at having almost destroyed the world where he meant to do good, but learned that power cannot be summoned, contained, and manipulated to do your biding. His heart was in the right place, he had simply gone about it the wrong way.



And that was that. This dream just leaves me thinking... what IS evil? What does it mean to be evil, how is it defined, and who defines it thus? In Taoism I learned that for something to be ugly, something else must first be deemed beautiful, and the same can be said in reverse. Nothing is born or created ugly or beautiful until it is analyzed and labeled. Is something perceived evil simply because something else has been named good? Or are they the lightning and rain of a storm--fire and water working together in an act of Chaos meant to destroy and to nurture simultaneously in the great balance of life?

Bikers and Family Gathering

There were multiple aspects of my dream last night, I didnt quite follow them all but it's slipping fast so this may seem jumbled, but I need to get it down.

The most prominent part of the dream waa when i was tailing a biker gang. They were not your stereotypical, all black leather, larger guys, long beards and sunglasses kind of bikers. It was like a special gang, each member was most represented by a color. Red, blue, green, yellow, purple (those are the ones I remember seeing). I think red was in charge. Blue was a slightly bigger guy, and the one I had the most interaction with.

As I was following them, I  drove a large but old red truck. They hung out a lot near a bike shop, but a very nice looking one, and most of their shelves (though I never went in, I knew somehow) were filled with shiny helmets. It was the helmets that were special, because they transformed into or somehow created the bikes. This was never straight out said in the dream, It's just one of those things you know as you are dreaming it. There was a particular helmet that I wanted,  and im not sure if I was fighting the urge to enter the shop and get it, or if I needed the bikers' help. I think it was red, like my truck, but it had a cat on it. A very fluffy cat.

The biker gang clearly knew I was trailing them, even though I think I did a pretty decent job of appearing like a regular person. At one point, for example, they were coming out of the bike shop while I was out front by my truck, and I knew they would capture me for sure unless I had a good excuse for why I was standing outside my truck. I tried the handle, acted like it was locked, then walked around to the passenger side and acted relieved to see the door opened. I reached across to 'unlock' the drivers side door, and one of the members reached out and opened it for me, before I had come back around to the drivers side. I panicked inside for a moment, thinking I was doomed, until he bellowed a laugh and remarked that I was lucky in my carelessness of leaving then passenger side unlocked,  and that next time I might not be so relieved at the outcome. I gave him a nervous smile and they went on their way, but the blue one kept an eye on me the entire time as they walked off.

At one point,  while working out of my truck, the blue one came over to me. I acted like I had lost my cat and was fairly certain he was hiding in my truck. Blue took a quick glance aroundnd lsost interest. He would talk to me here and there, just meaningless mutterings really, but after a while I said it was time I headed home. Apparently he was supposed to ve a diversion, because as I arrived home the gang had broken into my home and were ransacking the place as they 'made themselves comfortable', their way of pretending as they searched my house for clues that I was spying. I knew they wouldnt find anything though, so I feigned indifference and pretended tbey were just really bad guests. And that they were. I had to constantly nag them to pick up trash and get their bikes off my couch and off the coffee table, I yelled for them not to touch the cheesecake in the fridge--obviously way too late for that, half of it was already gone--because I had made it for the family at christmas.

After what seemed like hours,  they up and left... and left me with a huge wrecked home. I spent the night cleaning most of it, only to find they returned the next day. Although I had begun my mission with a deep sense of fear and caution for the gang,  they were now intruding on my life and destroying it, too. They were actually starting to accept me as one of their own,  feeling comfortable around me and acting in ways I know they dont act in public. This is what I had been waiting for, I could get what I wanted now! But the disarray was too much, I couldnt stand it. If being accepted by them means to give up who I am, then it just wasnt worth it. I shouted and yelled ans told them they had 5 minutes to get their bikes out of my living room and get going, because I had family coming over and they were ruining everything. They filed out, one by one, and the blue one seemed especially sad, as he left he handed me what I guess was a pair of boxers, but they had something special written along the inside of the band, and he cried as he told me that it was what I had been looking for, and that he was sad I never took the time to really 'look' for the gang that way. I guess they really just felt misunderstood,  and they only acted tough to protect themselves from the harsh outside world.

The sadness ended, and suddenly the living room was clean and guests were beginning to arrive. It was my family, though the kids were still my husband's nieces and nephews. My sister in law was there too, and as she walked in the door she asked me to smile, knowing I had just undergone dental surgery and was missing a front tooth (which I actually am right now, surgery was Monday). I did, reluctantly, and I really dont like the amusement it brings others.

We begin to exchange gifts and cards, and the adults all laugh over one card I handed out, that I guess I didnt read or even fill out first... it said something along the lines of, 'Heres a card, in exchange for the card you undoubtedly gave me, maybe you'd have actually gotten me something if you lived closer.' And it had a spot to fill in my name, so they wouldnt 'forget who I was.' They all thought it was hilarious; I wondered where I got such a card and why I didnt check them before handing them out. I thought it was really disrespectful and rude,  and although I was embarrassed to have let someone get such a card from me, I was relieved that they were taking it so lightly.

The kids found the stuffed animals I had been making for them, but sadly I hadnt finished them with all the tailing I had been doing, so I had to take back headless dolls and armless bodies from the kids, who really didnt understand.  I thought maybe I could work on them right then, but i never would have finished. The adults got to talking about my crochet and told me how they would love to see my things sold online, and everyone suggested their favorite online craft website. I thanked them all and continued to work.

Somewhere in these dreams was a kids amusement park of some sort, old and abandoned and in disarray, though I guess power was still hooked up if someone were to flip a switch. It always works that way in movies... I dont know what I was trying to find or save, but there was an adventurous feel to it all. At one point I think I was climbkng by hand across a section of roller coaster. I dont know why I was there, that part was sort of broken up. There was someone else there helping me I think, too.

Well thats about it I think... I'll edit if I remember anything else.

Experimental Bunnies

Two night ago,  I had a very short dream. At least, what I remember is short.

I dreamed that there was a large scientific research facility,  and they were experimenting on small, cute, fluffy white bunnies. Nothing else, just bunnies. Then, after injecting them, altering them, and experimenting on them, they tried to sell them back to the public-- mainly to witches-- as pets. Like they were specifically targeting witches as customers.

Those poor bunnies. =(

Point of View

I started writing this dream on August 26, 2013. I woke up and realied I was too tired to record it all right then, and started an audio recording, saying my dream and knowing I would transcribe it later. Unfortunately,  my phone broke before I was able to finish typing it up, so this has been sitting in my drafts for months. I think I'll just post what I have so far, and hope that when I find my broken phone again (I seem to have misplaced it...) I can connect through USB and retrieve the rest. Sorry it's written so oddly, for the most part this is exactly how I said it to myself when I was speaking it.

Okay. My dream.
I dreamt... I guess, I was trying to look at things from a different angle, I might have been a photographer of some sort. I was in a building, it was one really big room. And I think it was some sort of sports center, or a rec room or something, and there was a man in there, i didnt recognize him. He was white, he was older than me, he was probably around 30, maybe a little bit older. He had short dark brown hair. It might have been black, i dont know, I just know it was dark. And he was a little scruffy, he hadn't really shaved in a while. I think he actually had brown eyes, although they may  have been green. I'm pretty sure they were brown. And he was trying really hard, focusing in on what he was doing. When I woke up I thought that when I remembered back he might have been boxing; like there might have been a boxing ring in the room? But I dont remember anyone else being there, I just remember him.

Like I said I was a photographer, and I was trying to see things from a different angle. And I think I had a camera, although I never actually saw this camera that I had, it was just the view, the viewpoint, of the dream. And it took me all over. It's like I wasn't looking at things from the main perspective. I was looking at an everyday thing, a normal thing, and looking at it from different angles to see things differently. The camera view, it went in close. It didnt just look at his face. It went in underneath him and looked up towards his face. Like, he was sitting down in a chair at one point, and he had his head kinda down a little bit, and he was sweating. And it was just rolling off of him. But the camera view was like laying down on the floor and looking up at his face, and you could see the drops dripping off of his face and down around the camera. And the next thing you know, the camera looks over past him and it looks... I swear I saw a boxing ring in there somewhere but it's like, you know, I can't tell, because the viewpoint was just so different. It really was just trying to show me this normal thing. You know, this lonely, very hard thing, whatever it was he was concentrating really hard on it, he was struggling with it, and it was just looking at it from a different perspective so it looked more exciting, it looked more artistic; it was just different from what it was. I really don't know what he WAS doing, because I just wasnt looking at it in a normal way. He was doing whatever it was he was doing, he was aware that I was watching, he was aware that I was present in the room, but he just kinda shrugged it off. He didnt want me to feel normally, because even he knew that it was pointless. So the camera just went to different places, and i dont remember all of them, but a few of them stick in my mind.

Other than the one from being underneath, there was a point where I could see the view pan out, where I was looking at him from the side. The first time I said I was looking across, it was across his right side, but now it was looking across from his left side, and he was looking to my left, and the view actually zoomed past him and I was looking at the edge of a table-- its a pool table-- and the pockets were like, nets hanging down. Much like the ones on the pool table we have now, but it was a thick woven net that hangs down, and I could just see a whole bunch of pockets and they all had pool balls in them. Well, not all of them, most of them; but the view was just below the edge of the table, so when I looked out the whole viewpoint was nothing but the hanging nets. Some of them, a lot of them, having balls in them. I cant remember what number balls I saw. I want to say i know the 10 ball was there, but... ah, I dont remember. But there were quite a few of them. It took up a lot of my vision. Obviously that's not going to be accurate, because on a pool table there are only 6 pockets and you're going to see the edge of the table no matter how you look at it because you are going to see the legs holding up the table, it was pretty weird how it all fit together, I'm not even sure.

Another view as the camera kept changing, was like one corner pocket hanging down, but it was like there were strings as decoration hanging off of this pocket, and as they went down they were tied to shoes. Just different shoes, like running shoes, tennis shoes, sneakers... obviously nothing fancy. None of them were too old, but they definitely werent new.... they were just a bunch of shoes, and they were just hanging there. And I dont think they were hanging by their laces, I think they were hanging by decorative strings hanging from this corner pocket. There were a lot of them, but again they weren't close together, they were all hanging off of this one little pocket, but they were spread out. I dont know how the camera managed to see some of the things it did, and I'm not sure what normal thing that would have been that it looked at from a different angle, I haven't really had time to think about any of this yet.

So, anyways. The camera changes again, and it keeps changing, just a couple different things here and there. I dont really remember any of the other viewpoints. But I do know that after a while the camera looked as if it was looking through the eyes of a woman-- or myself, I suppose-- but it was like I was working in this room, in this building, and I was a server of some sort i guess, or a waitress or hostess or something. And there was a pool table. Right there by the front there was like a bar... though they didnt sell alcohol or anything, I dont think it was that kind of a bar. But there was a pool table, and it was very very well lit. There was a whole rest of the room in there but I can't remember anything beyond just this pool table. That guy was there, and he was playing pool by himself, just practicing i guess, testing his own skill. He was having somewhat of a hard time with it, but he was having fun, and I could tell because he was smiling, at least for most of it. And when he would walk around the table, he'd get closer to the viewpoint, and he would smile, and he would talk, but i dont even remember his voice, i dont remember what he was saying, I think it was just literally small talk, it was just you know, the comfort of having company there with him. But I remember smiling, I could never see my own face, I just remember I felt that I was smiling. And at some point, maybe I laughed a little bit too. I couldn't hear it ,but I could feel it.

Throughout this whole thing, I dont think I could hear voices at all, but there was music. Like a track being played over it all. There were no words to it, it was just calming, but it was uplifting. It was like one of those little tunes that, it's quiet, it's still upbeat, in a sense, but it's still toned down so that it's not loud, you're not supposed to dance to it, you're just supposed to kick back and relax and just go with things, just that kind of music. It was really nice. and I dont remember what it sounded like either, I just remember that it was really nice. So then, we continue on with this viewpoint for a while, seeing him play pool. But I guess that I was behind this bar thing because every once in a while while I was watching him, as the viewpoint moved to a different angle to watch him from a different pocket or something, I would have to go past a beam, I guess this bar thing had like a beam on either end or something, holding up-- well i dont know what it was holding up-- but it was like a column at the two corners right there, and I remember walking past it, seeing it, so I'm pretty sure that I was behind the bar. And after a while, he put his stick down across the edge of the table and he leaned in over the edge of the bar and he was laughing and he said, and I heard this part, and he said "hey, grab the pizza will ya?" and then he leaned down and he picked up two pizzas. And they were still in the pizza warming cases, you know the ones the delivery guys use to keep the pizzas hot until it gets to you? He had two of those. And he picks them up from behind the bar and he walks out the door. And the view showed me picking up a pizza and I followed him out the door. I dont know where we went. But once we went through the door I really dont remember. I think there was a park, but that's all I remember of that part.

And then it changed, and see, the sad thing is I can't remember if this next part came before or after everything I just said, it was there too. It might have been going on at the exact same time in a different part of my head for all I know. These two dreams didn't have an order to them... I dont think they were connected at all. And I think that's my mind's way of telling me that they are not connected is that feeling that I might have dreamed them at the same time, but in this one me and Mike went into a restaurant. It's hard to describe, I'm not sure what type of restaurant this was supposed to be, it was very small, like a cafe type of thing. You walk in the door and on the left side of the room going down the wall was the kitchen, with the counter in front of it for you to order, and there were barstools lined up along the counter so you could eat there at the bar if you wanted to. And along the right side of the room , it wasnt a very big room, there were tables and chairs, and booths, for people to sit at to eat over there. And we walk into this little place and we're gonna go to the back corner of the room, not all the way in the corner itself but there is a table over that direction, I dont know if we were in a booth or not, but I felt like we were in a spot that should have had a booth.

I was sitting in a normal chair and mike was sitting across from me, it was a very small table. I dont know what type of restaurant it was supposed to be; I remember thinking that it was chinese, but that might have just been based on what I attempted to order, I'm not sure. I dont even know what mike ordered... well, i dont even know what we ordered at all, i dont know what type of food it was supposed to be or if we were already eating or, i have no idea. I do remember that we're sitting at the table and I kept looking over towards the bar, where the guy behind the counter was standing over there, and he was standing in front of a customer sitting on a bar stool. the customer was hispanic, very darker skin, black hair, i think he was wearing a dark blue shirt, you know not too dark, still kinda bright, but definitely a darker blue shirt. And I dont remember what the waiter was wearing or what he looked like, but I had ordered something when we walked in, and I think i wanted something kinda like chinese food-- and i dont know if this is what i ordered or if this is just what the guy brought me-- but i think i had given him a very vague description of what i wanted, and i had probably told him to make it as close as he could, but im not sure what exactly i asked for... but i know that what he brought me was rice, but he had cooked it with egg in it, like fried rice, i dont remember what seasoning he used but it was also like fried rice and then he added shredded cheese to it. Im really not sure what else was in it, but i know for a fact that there was rice and an egg, just like fried rice, and then there was cheese. i dont even know what kind of cheese, i just know it was shredded. It was delicious.

I dont remember the taste of it, but I know that in the dream it was delicious, i loved it. I remember I kept looking over at the counter and the guy at the barstool was staring at us. And after a while thats all he was doing was he was just sitting there staring at us. The guy behind the counter, i dont know what he was doing but he kept looking over occasionally too , and i was getting kinda nervous and kinda freaking out a little bit. After a while I told mike that I just had to make them stop, and I remembedr very clearly the long walk across the room. And it's stupid because it was a very small room. Bu tit's like, when you do something that you dont normally, do, like I dont normally get up and go talk to strangers because they are staring at us, I just kinda ignore people, so it was really awkward for me, I could FEEL it just seemed like it was a very long walk, just getting up from my chair, and at that point when i pushed the chair back, i think it was a metal chair, and i remember getting up and walking across the room and the hispanic guy he stared at me the entire time i walked across the room, he stared directly at me, and the knew i was coming towards him, and the waiter looked at me, and i was trying to tell the hispanic guy to stop staring at us. i was asking him what it was he wanted, why he was staring at us, and he just kinda gave that smile, and the waiter guy was like "he doesnt speak english, he doesnt understand" and i was like how can he not understand, i was really annoyed that i had made the effort to go all the way over there and my point wasnt going to get across, i couldnt say whatever it was that i needed to say in any other languages, all i spoke was english and all i knew was that it was really freaking me out and i didnt want him to look at me any more, at us anymore, and i was frustrated because i couldnt get that point across, and i was like whyyyy and the waiter guy was like sorry;, i guess he doesnt speak english, ya know. And I stayed there talking to the waiter guy and he was like what is that you ordered, what is that, that food you're eating? And asking, is that even what you want? wha'ts in it? and i was telling him, and i guess i knew what it was in the dream, but whatever it was i was telling him what it was, and he was like omg im so sorry, is that even acceptable? is that what you wanted? that doesnt even sound like it would be a good combination, im so sorry, and i was like no, this is perfect!

And this is where it stops.  One recording short.

Water-Only Club, and Selling the Jeep

My dream last night began in a very busy setting. I was in some sort of bar/club, and for the first few minutes I was just a guest there. The room was a large square, and as you walked in the door you noticed that chairs lined the walls, the back right corner held the bar, and there were barstools surrounding the counter. A few televisions were mounted around the room, displaying different channels, but there was music playing as well. The weird thing about this "bar" is that they only served water. There were plenty of variations of water, in fancy bottles and such, and you could order it in a glass, in a plastic cup, in a plastic bottle... however you wanted it. But it was all nothing but water.
Once I had an understanding of the place, I realized that I was suddenly a waitress there. I was standing by the bar, preparing to take a tray of glasses across the room. I was nervous though, because the place was packed. It was like I was new to the place, still learning the ropes, and afraid that I was going to mess up.
After a while of serving, I either went on break or my shift ended. Either way, I went around to the back wall and sat down next to a few girls that I was apparently friends with. The place was still busy, but the center of the floor on this side of the club had more space to it, and there were a few groups of people dancing in the center, but the way was clear enough that I was able to see the people sitting on the opposite wall. One boy stood out a bit... but that was mostly because he was staring at me. He was cute enough, not too tall but still taller than me, thin, with short clean light brown hair. He seemed to be casually glancing at me every few seconds, and I was feeling extremely self conscious because of it. It wasn't long before he stood up and walked across the room to talk to me. A quick glance shot at my fellow girls had us all giggling a bit, as they pretended to mind their own business. He didn't seem too sure of himself when he got closer to me, and started to hold out his hand in greeting but didn't raise it quite all the way. I reached up to take his hand in return greeting, but since he hadn't reached all the way out to me, I also started to pull back, and in the end I think I just ended up taking his hand gently and guiding him as he leaned over beside me. He was moving to whisper something to me, and I tried to smile, to be friendly, attempting to give him some sort of sign that I was glad he came over. I lost all semblance of a smile once he began to speak.
All he said was a single, short sentence. "Um, your bra is kinda slipping down you know, it's pushing you up kinda oddly." I stared down at my chest in humiliation. It wasn't that my bra was slipping down, it was that throughout all the movement of the day, I had apparently lifted my arms up at some point, which in turn lifted my breasts up slightly as well. When I had lowered my arms, my breasts made to settle back into my bra, but the top of the bra was still trying to "hold me in" which ended in my breasts basically being half-held, and the top part of them bulging out of the bra a bit. It was actually a very normal thing to see, as it happens to all women, and usually women notice it and will "adjust" to sort it out. Well, apparently it hadn't happened all at once, but gradually throughout the day (also normal) and this boy saw it first.
I gave him a sort of half-smile, and sat back in my chair, pulling my legs up to my chest and turning towards the other girls. The boy got up and walked back over to where he had been sitting, and was still glancing at me from time to time. So apparently he did still like me in some way, but what? Was he too busy staring at my chest to actually talk to me? Did he want to just sit across the room, staring at my chest, but he wanted them to be sitting just perfectly for him to admire them? Honestly, I was far from understanding in that moment. The girls turned around to talk to me, and we sat there for a while discussing (and complaining about) boys' behavior. My self consciousness was driving me crazy, but in those moments, I could lose myself in the normalcy and social interaction of being with other girls my age; I felt normal, I felt accepted, and I felt like a part of something. Screw that kid, he didn't know what he was missing out on! If my chest was the only thing he wanted to worry himself with, that was his loss!

Next thing I knew, the dream changed. I was back home, in my  normal life. I was married to my wonderful hubby, I had my two beautiful boys, and we lived in this house. It was night, and the boys were in bed, and I heard a noise outside. I walked out the front door, and began looking around. It was pitch black outside the yard, which was barely illuminated by the front porch light. I dont know how I missed it the first time I looked around, but suddenly I realized that right in front of me, there was a van who had driven right through our front fence! The hood of the van was in the yard, the fence busted and pushed up around it, and yet the vehicle wasn't dented and didnt have a single scratch on it. I guess that was the *hint* that it was only a dream.
I looked out beyond the fence and beyond my own truck and saw another vehicle parked outside. A few people got out of it and walked up to me. There was a man and a woman for sure, and I think there was a third person but they didn't have any definite roll in the dream.
The man was telling me how he had spoken to my hubby about purchasing an old vehicle we were selling. He said, "We were supposed to come out to pick up the old Jeep." I had absolutely no knowledge of such a thing, nor any knowledge of us ever owning a Jeep, so I asked the man to please wait a minute while I called Mike. It was the middle of the night, but Mike was still at work, getting in lots of overtime. He would most likely be there till the following evening. David had woken up during this time, and I picked him up and held him while I was waiting for Mike to answer his phone.
The woman, during this time, was being an absolutely disrespectful -- well, I won't use that kind of language here, but I will say that I wanted to kick her. Hard. She thought that just because I was on the phone, I couldnt hear her whispering to the other person about how she didn't like kids, and that little kids especially were so annoying and worthless; they couldn't understand anything, had no communication skills, and were loud and filthy and she wished I would put mine back to bed so she didn't have to deal with him if he started crying. I wanted to scream at her just how far from the truth she was, but I thought that perhaps the better way to get rid of them would be to get this whole ordeal straightened out.
I heard someone answer the phone, but it wasn't my hubby. It was his friend from work instead, answering because hubby was up on a power line working hard and had asked his friend to answer for him. I explained the situation a bit, telling him that these people were here to pick up a vehicle that (clearly) was not at the house. His friend apologized, and said that he knew this must be difficult for me, being put in the middle, but that it would be alright. He said he'd do what he could to fix it, and not to worry.
I told the man that Mike unfortunately would not be able to make it, but that we'd see what we could do about finding the vehicle now, and that perhaps I could drive us over to it once we found it. The man started recalling any conversations he had with Mike about it, and it was determined that the Jeep must have been parked along the road, in the thick of the woods, in Woodway. I thought that was only the name of a road in town, and not an actual place itself, but whether I was right or not, it was a dream, this Jeep could have been anywhere. The man continued talking, about how he needed the Jeep to drive around the protected zoo grounds while checking on the animals of the reservation. Seemed a noble enough cause. I didn't really care what he needed it for, I just wanted to get rid of these people.
I went and set up my GPS, and Levi woke up just in time, so I didnt have to wake him. Naturally the woman had a few muttered complaints, but she would just have to deal. I loaded up the kids in the truck, these strangers got in beside us, and we drove off into the night.
That was it. I'm sure there was more, but my mind didn't let me remember it when I woke up. It seemed to end right there.

Recent Dreams-- The Move

This is a dream I had a few nights ago, but since I've confessed to not recording lately, I'm going to continue to show that honesty by not changing the date and time on this post to the night I dreamed it. I am here recording past dreams, I'm not meant to adjust the clock on this one.

So a few nights ago, I dreamed that we were moving. Moving to a new house, far from here. It was a beautiful house, very big, in a nice, spread out neighborhood. There were lots of trees, and the entire area was shaded and cool. It was beautiful, and it felt good to be there. It felt peaceful.

It wasn't just us moving there though. Sure, it was me, hubby, and our two kids... but a girl from my past, with her two kids, was moving with us.

We were finally (mostly) settled into the house, enough to live comfortably. My hubby was already off at his new job during the day, and so me and the girl were trying to figure out what to do next. We knew the kids would have to get to school. She didn't have her own vehicle yet though, we only had my truck to rely upon, and it was one seat short. It couldn't fit me, her, and four kids. We began thinking about the school bus route, and if that was an option knowing our kids were still so young. We would have to get them to the bus stop, and maybe we could just walk to there from the house so we wouldn't need the truck.

But then we started thinking about money. I mentioned that she could get a job, and that if all the kids were in school, maybe I could get a job too. Hubby had a great job really, but I wanted to contribute in some way, and the girl would have to contribute on her own, because hubby would not pay everything for her.

Unfortunately that proved to be a bit of a challenge. Not only did she not have her own vehicle yet, but she still did not even have a driver's license. So I couldn't let her drive my truck if she found a job. She would have to hope it was within walking distance for now. It seemed as if a lot of things were still holding her back, and they became issues the more time went on. We needed a way to get the kids to and from school, a way to get her to and from a job, a way to get around for shopping and such, and on top of all that, I found a job that I had to get myself to and from. I'm not sure how I found a job before she did, because I'm fairly certain she was looking long before I was. But I got hired on somewhere, and though I don't remember where exactly, I remember liking it. It was a small dim-lit shop... it was either for pets, games, or books. I'm not sure which. They paid well enough though, and I did like it there. I decided to myself that what she did or didn't do was her business, as long as she paid her part of the rent and bills, and contributed for food.

I was proud of myself for all that I had accomplished. The move, the kids in school, the job so I could contribute to the household. Hubby was proud of me too. I think that made me feel better than the pride I had in myself.

Recent Dreams-- The Beast Within

I'm sorry that I haven't been recording my dreams lately. I've had a few, and when I wake up, instead of recording them I sit there and think about them, until I realize my day is passing me by, and I get up and get started on chores and other things... then I forget about the dream, and by the time I consider recording it, I tell myself I've forgotten too much.

Well I think I'll go ahead and write up at least what I can remember of the past couple I've had. It's only fair to the dream journal.

Last night I had a dream, that I was running from something. I was always moving, always traveling, always making sure I was lost in a sea of strangers. Late one night, while waiting for a ferry to come in and take me across a misty river, I met someone who recognized me. They said they were from my past, and though I couldn't quite place them, they were excited to see me--as if it was granting them some sort of closure to be able to talk to me. It shook me up, knowing that I had made an impact on someone's life. I didn't see how, I was making sure I never stayed in one place long, and I didn't want people to know me. They wouldn't like me if they knew me.

So I continued on, and this town I had come to seemed to have some military members conducting a government operation or experiment. From the whispers, I could just barely make out a few scattered phrases. "Dragon." "Escaped!" "Dangerous. Highly dangerous." I slipped into their main base of operations to see if I could find out more. It wasn't set up like a military base at all, but more like a science expedition. But there were children running around, a boy and a girl, chasing each other. I decided I'd go out into the field soon and look for this dragon myself, but first I had to go to the bathroom (certain womanly things I had no control over had to be taken care of) and of course I happened to find an oddly shaped bathroom, where you walk through the door into a small office area, with a spiral staircase that goes around the room to the actual bathroom area up top. There was no separate privacy up there, you just had to ensure the door was locked. I had to shoo the kids out first, because they had run into there to chase each other up and down the stairs. Luckily for me, the office apparently had women workers and came well-equipped for my needs.

I left the building shortly thereafter and went off near this grassy cliffside, where there was a small gathering of people discussing where the dragon may have gone. They seemed to be setting up a transparent cage of sorts, and of course without thinking I stepped inside to look around. This, ironically (or perhaps it was an act of fate?), was when the dragon came. It was a smart beast, and saw the cage for what it was. Everyone was running and screaming, because the beast itself was invisible and no one could see it. I could sense it. I crouched down in the cage, and felt the beast above. I could feel it in my mind. It was much smarter than they had given it credit for. It was going to push the cage over the edge of the cliff... unfortunately, I was still inside.

Just as I felt myself sliding towards what would surely be my death, I reached out to the beast, with my mind. I told it that I wasn't afraid of it, that I knew it was good, and that I wasn't ready to die. And it saved me. I fell over the side of the cliff, but the beast held the cage still for a few extra minutes before dropping it. Those few minutes gave me the time to realize while I was falling that I could suddenly fly. The dragon had given me the gift of flight! Or rather, the knowledge of how to use flight, propelled by our own thoughts. I think I was more shocked by the fact that we had this ability dormant in each of us already, than by the reality that I was, in fact, flying.

I was so excited, that I flew up, being able to sense in my mind where the dragon was, and flew over to it, and wrapped my arms around it's neck, crying words of thanks with grateful tears streaming down my face. I was feeling so much emotion, and the dragon seemed to almost laugh, as if it was somehow relieved. I felt a surge of love from it, and it was familiar. I knew who this was. The same person who had recognized me, from my past, was also this great beast. And suddenly, I could see him. He was no longer camouflaged for me, I could see every inch of him, all his scales and wings and deep burning eyes. It was trust that let me see past it. We left that place together, flew above it all, and came down in a shaded woodland area. He became human again, and thanked me repeatedly for what he thought I did. He kept telling me I saved him. We went our own ways that night, but with a new friendship that we both knew would last a lifetime.

Though I continued running after that extraordinary day, I went about it from a new angle. This time, I wanted people to know me. I wanted them to know who I was. To trust me. Because one day, if I too became a beast, I want people to remember me the way I was. Likeable and trustworthy. To know not to be afraid of me, and to talk to me. To help me identify the beast within, and be able to fly above the fear, above the pain, and above the hatred, and to be myself again. We all need the social interaction that helps us remember who we are.

The Kids and the War in the Yard

In the dream I had last night, I was afraid for my life, but more so for my children's lives. I knew it couldn't possibly be real, that it couldn't be actually happening, but the fear was there nonetheless. I think the beginning of it was set the way it was specifically to let me know that it was just a dream...

It started out at my dad's old house in Orlando. The same house I grew up in, that my sisters are still living in right now. I felt like I had been there for a while, hours at least, hanging out on the front porch with some friends. I knew it wasn't real because--for starters--three of my friends were characters from the TV show "Lost." Boone, Charlie, and Claire. You don't have to know who they are on the show, I'm just tossing out their names and a small bit about them, because I think they represent actual people. I think the two men represent traits in one person, and I think Claire represents a trait that I have. Boone and Charlie happen to be two of my favorite male characters right now. Boone was very protective of his stepsister and cared deeply for her, but lost his life in the first season of the show while bravely trying to reach out for help as the small wrecked plane he stood in dove nose-first over a cliff, breaking his body beyond repair. Charlie is a recovering heroin addict who found himself with his addiction after trying--and sadly, failing--to keep himself and his brother on the right track while becoming rock stars. He found a new meaning to his life when he got to know Claire, who was pregnant, and when she had her baby he kicked the heroin and became a wonderful father-figure to the child. Right at this moment though (I'm halfway through season 2), Charlie and Claire are having some problems and aren't speaking. But I think they will be alright. They just seem to be made for each other. Claire, on the other hand, is not one of my favorite characters. I don't hate her, though. My thoughts toward her are constantly changing. Some days I like her, other days I don't. Much the same way I feel about myself.

So we're on the porch, and the house starts to tremble. The ground begins to shake. I have never experienced an earthquake, but it's unnerving to have the very ground you walk on attempt to throw you off of the planet. We hang on to the columns supporting the small section of roof that covers the porch, and after a few short minutes (or was it hours?) the ground steadies itself again, and we begin to recover from the shock of having been through an earthquake. Until the gravity disappears.

It was like a failing magnet. The force holding us to the Earth was weakening, and we could all feel our feet rising off the ground. I laid against the concrete, wrapped my arms around a column, and began inching myself towards the front door. Down the street you could see people holding on for their lives, but there were greater numbers of unfortunate people who weren't able to hold on long enough, rising into the sky until they were out of view. Despite our best efforts to hold on to each other, Boone and Charlie lifted off into the sky, and as they got further and further away, all we could do was stare into their eyes, and feel the image of sadness and loss burning into our memories.

It was hard to continue wanting to hold on when Boone and Charlie were gone. But we fought to stay grounded anyways. Claire was slowing slipping away, and we knew that she was going to need our help before she decided to just let go. I reached out for her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her underneath the porch. It seemed as if every inch I got closer to the front door of the house, the gravity was a bit stronger. After a hard struggle, we made it inside the doorway, and all returned to normal. It was just the act of getting inside that we had to fight for, it seems.

Claire disappeared off into the house, and I walked into the kitchen. There was a bed in here, and two men sleeping in it (they looked so much like Boone and Charlie...). They were fast asleep though, and I didn't want to wake them up. They seemed extremely tired, I thought they could use the rest. They deserved the rest. Just then I heard a loud crash, followed by what seemed to be an explosion. It came from the backyard. I walked to the french doors leading to the backyard, and as I opened them, the entire beginning of the dream slipped out of my mind and I stepped into this new traumatic dream experience.

There was an airport. A small one, by the looks of it, but a military one for sure. Lots of small planes the size of cars, and many machines off to the edges shooting rockets into the sky. The rockets took off into the distance, presumably to destroy an unseen enemy. But the planes... it was like every time a plane took off, it was only a matter of minutes before it came back down, falling out of the sky and often falling parallel to the ground, shooting past the backyard and exploding just a few houses down. The first thing I thought of was my children. Both of my boys were somewhere in the house, but I didn't know where, and I was screaming for them and searching for them. Then I saw them... and almost fainted.

In the backyard, on the left side, was a bunker. It was a very large metal/concrete container buried into the ground, with a large opening on top to climb inside. There were people already there... all four of my sisters, a few women with children I didn't recognize, and... both of my boys. The kids were poking their heads out of the opening, looking up at the planes and pointing or shouting. A few of the women were positioned on the sides of the opening, but still partway beneath the ground so that if a plane were to head their direction, they could duck down and avoid being decapitated. I was terrified that something would happen to my boys, terrified that they would lose their mother if I died before I reached them, and for half a second I considered trusting that they were safe there with the other children, and that I should stay where I was and wait out this warzone. But that thought was short-lived. I knew I needed my children and I knew they needed me. I waited for a plane to pass by, then I rushed out across the yard, dodging stray bits of shrapnel, till I finally made it to the bunker. I jumped down inside, pulling my kids further inside and hugging them tightly. I felt like we would be safe there, and I felt that my kids were much more safe with me there beside them, even though there was nothing I could really do if a plane crashed into us.

I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them again my kids were gone. I searched the bunker (it was small so it didnt take long) and I started screaming when I didnt see them. I looked out the opening and began frantically scanning the yard for any sign of my children. One of the women told me to calm down, that my children were fine, and pointed over to the house. Sure enough, I could see in through a window and see that my kids were on the back porch playing with a few other kids. I ran over to the house as fast as I could, thankful that I reached the door alive, and went in to be with my kids. I was terrified that a plane was going to crash into the house and take them from me, but people kept telling me to calm down. I turned around again, and my kids were back at the bunker. I didn't even think about it, I just ran out there and hid behind it.

I hadn't noticed before, but on the back side of the bunker, there was a steep hill, and a shallow waterway. It was just deep enough for a small canoe-like boat to float down it, and a few of the kids were laughing and asking to go to the park. A man in the boat was taking them back and forth, and there was someone at the park watching them. I didn't want my kids to go, and instead had them sit in the bunker with me. The war was almost over, and we could go to the park then. I merely blinked, and again my children were gone. Someone told me they went to the park, and with tears streaming down my face I stepped to the edge of the water and waited for the boat as it pulled up to the bunker, telling the man to take me to the park to my kids. He looked at me like I was crazy, worrying over nothing, but took me anyways. As the boat began to leave, I looked out over the yard again. There, against the back fence, was the bed with the two sleeping men. They were still sound asleep, even after all the noise and explosions and debris. Still sleeping. I wanted to wake them now, and pull them into the bunker to safety... but I had to protect my kids. And somehow I knew that they would be safe as long as they stayed asleep.

Then I woke up. I didn't make it to the park. The first thing I did this morning was check on the kids, and they were just fine. It was still scary though. Even knowing it was a dream, waking up and knowing that there was no way I could have ever thought it was real, it was scary.

Guest Dream! From My Sister

This dream was not mine. It was dreamed by my sister, who told me about it the other day and I had to record it here. I was in it, and it seems to me that it has some meaning to it, so I asked her permission to post it here, and she wrote it out for me. This is in her words, the way she remembered it. =)

I woke up to the smell of smoke. I jumped up and ran to another room where my pregnant sister (Crystal), my baby nephew, and my other two nephews David and Levi were. When I got into the room David and Levi where holding on to Crystal and the baby. They just kept screaming "Mommy!" "Baby!" It was high pitched and made my heart sink.
I pulled David and Levi off of Crystal and the baby, and checked to see if Crystal and the baby were alive but there was no pulse. So I took David and Levi and ran outside. I put them on the side walk and told them to stay there. I ran back inside to the room where Crystal and the baby were. I checked to make sure they were dead. When I realized they weren't breathing and had no pulse I went and got my bearbear and my dog bear and ran outside.
There I meet the boys and a man. He opened up his van and I put the boys and my dog in the van and got in. I remember the man saying something but I don't know what. I remember watching the house go up in flames from the van. The last thing I remember was looking over and holding the boys and telling them everything was gonna be okay.

Foodstuffs

This was extremely short, actually. I was at a gas station, knowing that back home I had my hubby and two of my friends waiting for me. I was sent to get food for us all. I knew what the hubby wanted, and what one of my friends wanted, but on the last friend, I wasn't sure. I could get him anything I wanted to, and it was up to me to decide just what it was that he would want.

I went up and down every aisle, and it was like every food store imaginable had something on those shelves. There was McDonalds, and there was meatballs, and there was pizza... I ended up grabbing Subway though. Like a huge six-foot long sub, divided into smaller foot-long sections. It was interesting carrying THAT up to the check-out counter... I had a little bit of trouble with it, but eventually I managed to balance it all.

And that's it. I didn't even see myself check out, I don't know if I ever really got my friend the food he wanted.

Advice From a Cat

Over the weekend, I was camping out on the Brazos River with my husband, kids, and in-laws. We left out Saturday morning, canoed down the river, found us a nice big sandbar to camp out at, did a little fishing, and Sunday morning packed it all back up, and canoed farther down river to a small park where one of the vehicles had been left. It was a lot of fun. But I had a dream overnight, and although some of it obviously stems from the trip itself, it was interesting.

In the dream, I was camping with my in-laws, just as I was in real life. But we were in some sort of jungle setting, something you might see in Indiana Jones. I had wandered off alone for a bit, and was just then heading back to camp. I found my in-laws and my husband exploring a cave entrance nearby. The cave itself had been sealed off by some sort of boulder, though I knew it to be a door. There was a large tree nearby, with a trunk system that spread out from the ground and put off thick, low-hanging branches. I would have compared it to a willow, except that it had large, waxy, dark green leaves.

I walk up in time to see a large brown cat jump out of the nearby brush and weave through our feet to get to the large tree. My in-laws tried to reach down and pet it, but it dodged their hands without moving any faster than it was already moving. It jumped up onto one of the low-hanging branches that was right in front of us, and laid down. I walked over and surprisingly the cat allowed me to pet it. It rubbed against my hand, and purred.

Then, it started talking to me. She was giving me life lessons, and advice, and teaching me lots of things that I apparently needed to know. But she wouldn't talk to anyone else, nor would she allow anyone else to touch her.

After she was done passing along her wisdom, she turned her head, facing away from us and the cave, watching the pathway towards us. She seemed to give me a sort of warning without looking at me, then jumped up higher into the tree and casually watched below. Next thing we knew, three male lions walk up to us. They had us cornered against the rock wall, and there was nothing we could do. I tried reasoning with them, but they simply growled and stepped closer. Then I woke up. I hope we lived...

Bullying at the School of Warcraft

This dream was kind of fun really. At least at first. It should have been more fun, considering how I was laughing through at least half of it. Or was I? Even I'm not sure about that.

I was attending a school of some sort... all taking place in my favorite game, World of Warcraft. I believe it WAS the game, in a way. I was a druid, learning about the art of shapeshifting, how to work with nature to perform intense healing spells, and how to devise energy from the sun and moon to weave powerful offensive attacks. My best friend, Bree, was a rogue; she was taught the ways of the shadows and how to remain unseen even in daylight, how to create deadly poisons to apply to her blades, and a perfect knowledge of anatomy to ensure her dagger never missed its mark. We were already at the top of our classes. We knew almost everything there was to know, and were at the highest levels of learning. There was something new in the lesson plans, however.

There was a new class forming, about space. Not just the universe itself, but a new gathering of dust and clouds and swirling mists that no one understood. There had been four full books written about it, in a small mini-series, and copies were flying off the shelf as everyone rushed to learn all about this phenomenon before attending class. I had ventured over to the library to pick up a copy myself, though I only got about halfway through the first book (in the course of about three minutes) and had to stop because class would be starting soon.

Bree was supposed to be in class with me. It was to take place in the Shrine of Seven Stars, upstairs to the left in a small room just before the portal room. It was extremely well-lit, with desks and chairs and an old-fashioned chalkboard. The teacher's desk sat at the front of the room, and it seemed to be your typical school setting. I was the first to arrive, and seeing no one else around, I went in search of Bree.

I knew many places she might have been. I thought that perhaps she would be completing a quest, and I would most likely find such a quest on a Hero's Call Board. I decided the fastest way to find her would be to pick up the quest myself. Unfortunately, out in the Shrine, I had no idea where a Call Board might be. I jumped off the side of a balcony, shapeshifting into a large bird as I did so, and glided down to the lower levels of the building. There was a small garden here, with what I thought would have been a Call Board, but had no quests for me. I was lucky enough to run into the King of Stormwind, and being as well known for my deeds as I was, I was able to talk to him and he directed me to Stormwind, where he knew there would be a quest for me on the Call Board there. I thanked him and turned back into my natural human form (though in the game I am a night elf). I pulled a small cloak out of my bags and set it about my shoulders, feeling a certain power emanating from the runes embroidered into it with magick. I held my hands up in front of me, and felt energy running through my entire body, and I felt myself willing it to coalesce into a portal between the lands. The energy was coming from the cape, I knew, allowing me to teleport myself to Stormwind (typically only mages had the knowledge of teleportation, but being as crafty as I was, I had my ways around). In the blink of an eye and a sudden burst of heat, I was standing in the mage quarter of Stormwind. I removed the cape, put it away, and headed to the Call Board of the trade district.

Here, I found the quest she must have accepted. It wasn't a hard one, but had a decent gold reward, so I quickly completed it and used my Hearthstone to teleport me back to the Shrine. The teleportation was much the same as with the cape, but the energy this time emanated from the stone.

The turn in was to the King himself, and as I arrived and flew down to the garden again, there she was, my Bree, talking and laughing with the king. Turning into myself once more, I turned in my quest and reminded Bree of our class. She said she knew, and had just one last task to complete before she headed that direction. I wished her luck, then turned to head up the stairs towards the classroom. Smiling and waving, we parted. She used her rogue abilities to stealth into the shadows, and even having been around her for years, after such a distance even I couldn't tell where she had gone.

Back at the classroom, other students were beginning to arrive as well. A few were talking about one boy in particular, who they knew had already read all four books and was most likely the most well-read one of us all. A few of us wondered if he would be attending the class at all, knowing all that he did. One boy in the front row stated that he would in fact be showing up, in three, two, one... and right at that moment, the very boy we had talked about walked in the door. It was amazing.

I went and sat in my seat, waiting for class to start and waiting for Bree. The chairs began to fill, the teacher entered and sat at his desk waiting for the bell, and I stood up and poked my head out the door to see if she was nearby. Not seeing her, I walked back towards the chairs just as the bell rang. A few minutes passed and the teacher still sat at his desk, seemingly oblivious to his class. I wondered out loud where she could be, and the same boy in the front row stated that she would be arriving in three, two one... and right at that moment, she walked in. I was excited that the kid was so intuitive (or psychic?) and me and Bree rushed towards each other laughing and hugging and just glad to both be in the same place again.

We sat at our desks, and everyone was waiting patiently for the teacher (though everyone was talking, of course). Bree and I were in the same row, but she was a few seats ahead of me. We were having our own conversation, and at one point she said to me, "I got your back." So the boy behind me, out loud for the entire class to hear, says "If she's got your back, I'll get your front..." and holds his hands out around my shoulders and in front of me, making squeezing gestures without actually touching me. The entire class was all staring now and laughing hysterically. I chuckled along with them, with a look of amusement on my face, shaking my head as if to note that it would NEVER happen.

But then the boys continued to make jokes. He continued to say annoying, sarcastic, perverted comments, aimed at me, and those comments slowly became condescending and hurtful. I was being targeted for all these hateful things, being called names and made fun of for nearly everything about myself. It got old REALLY fast, and I was no longer amused. Unfortunately the entire class was still laughing, some of the students jumping up and down, some of them yelling and motivating him to continue on with this degradation. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the class any more than he had already done for me, so I just smiled and laughed along with everyone else, though I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Before long, I was crying. But as long as that smile remained on my face, it was as if no one could tell the difference. Or, no one cared to see it for what it really was.

After what seemed like an hour of torture, the teacher stood up and announced when our next class would be, and said that when the bell rang in a few minutes we could leave. I don't know what kind of class he was trying to teach where he sits back and lets a student get picked on right in front of him... but all the same, I was ready to get out of there. Bree went over and talked to the teacher, and I could tell that whatever was being said was making her angry. The bell soon rang and the rest of the class bustled to get to their next destinations. Bree and I stayed behind for a few minutes and I asked her what happened. She was explaining, as we slowly walked down the hallway, how she had gone to the teacher to ask if she had been marked as late to class and if there was anything she could do to change that. The teacher had flat out told her that he marked her as absent, and that there was nothing she could do. She was pissed off, and I could tell by looking at her daggers that she was planning something. She had them enchanted with spells that would help her strikes do more damage than the blades would do on their own, and I noted a fresh coat of poisons on the tips. She said she had some attendance logs to attend to, and as I chuckled at her pun, she wrapped herself in darkness, and I caught one last glint of light reflecting off a blade before she disappeared.

The Raid (And Stuff...)

In this dream, I know it had to have something to do with how much I've been playing World of Warcraft lately. But at the same time, you just have to know how much I believe that my dreams are telling me something. And what better way to tell me something, than by using material that I am comfortable with and close to?

So it starts out in this raid. It has got to be at least a 40-man raid; there were SO many people there! We were all running down long hallways, but it was outdoors. There was just one way forward and one way back, and the lot of us were following our two "tanks," which were just two guys with shields. The raid was probably only about halfway through when one of our tanks realized he had to leave. He didn't even bother to tell us before he left, and in an instant he was gone, and the raid halted. We were all wondering what happened, but we knew we needed a new tank. We couldn't do this with just one tank, after all.

While a few people at the front were pulling out their cell phones and seeing who they could find to fill in, a few of us in the middle were getting restless. Myself, my hubby, my friend... let's just call him Jax... and someone else who looked familiar but I couldn't quite place them. We said that we could probably find a faster way to skip to the end of the raid, and that it would probably be a fun adventure to try. So we stepped out of the mass of raiders and through a small alleyway in the side of the hall. I swear it wasn't there until we decided to venture out on our own...

We were suddenly along the side of a fast-paced highway at night, with bright city lights illuminating the streets and tall buildings to either side. We decided to split up and look for someone to help us get to the end, and so hubby and I went one way and Jax and the other person went the other way. We all had our cell phones and said that we'd keep in touch as we went.

Hubby and I traveled to a toll booth and hubby started up a conversation with the person inside, trying to find clues to get us to the end. I got a phone call from Jax saying that he lost his partner but it was going to be alright, because he knew how to get to the end from where he was! He was going to head that direction now, and he hoped we found our way too. He was going to meet us at the finish! My phone died just then, so he called hubby's. Hubby answered it, talked for a moment, then handed it to me while laughing. I took it as a good sign that not only did he laugh about it, but he had no problem handing the phone to me to keep talking to Jax. Good friendships that last, approved by the hubby! Haha.

Well anyways, we continued on. Hubby got caught up with something and told me to go on ahead, he would handle business here and meet me at the end. So I quickly sent out an SOS text to my driver friend (didn't even realize I had a driver friend...) and he came drifting to a halt directly in front of me only seconds after my text rang out. I jumped in the car, and we were already racing down the street before I could even get my seatbelt on... and I knew I was going to want that seatbelt! This guy was an insane driver, and although he could get you where you wanted to go quickly, it would not be without a few bumps and jumps along the way. I hated the jumps... vehicles were not made to fly just yet.

We were almost there, when the vehicle was attacked. We were thrown off course, and ended up flying into the side of a department store. The car hit a water fountain, and despite the seatbelts, driver and I went sailing forward into some clothing racks. Driver had a cup of water that splashed all down one of the strapless summer dresses on display, and the owner of the store came rushing over to reprimand us. All the women who worked here were high-class prissy bitc---well, they were not very friendly.

I didn't understand what was going on, and why the owner was screaming at driver because of the harmless cup of water, and not because of the car in her fountain or the hole in her wall... Regardless of her reasoning, she had left me out of it. I was free to wander the store. I didn't get far though, because those summer dresses had caught my attention. I'm not usually one to gawk at dresses, but I wished I could wear one. They were strapless and the bottoms flared out, so I knew they'd be fun to twirl in (one of the best parts to any dress is if the bottom flares out when you twirl!). They were simple designs in green, red, purple, and blue, all with a sheer white fabric overtop. I couldn't help but stay still and just stare at them.

Suddenly I was brought out of my trance when a small white dog ran up to me. It had medium-length curly fur, with a few black spots here and there. She was a tiny little thing, no bigger than a loaf of bread. Her owner, I noticed, was a girl I used to know, though I couldn't remember her name. I just knew that I had known her from somewhere. She laughed and said that her dog was always running off and making friends, and I just sat there petting the dog and laughing along with her owner.

There was someone else who began to laugh as well, and I turned to my left to see none other than Ellen Degeneres, wearing a gray suit, laying across a white couch. She was watching the dog, and looked up at me exclaiming how adorable it was, and asking if she could hold her. I told her the dog was not mine, and nodded towards my friend, who gave permission for Ellen to pick up the dog. After a few minutes of petting and licking the owner called the dog back over to her, so she could show us all her trick.

The little dog laid down on her back, and her owner carefully balanced a small dog treat on the dog's nose. The dog laid there and balanced it perfectly! She then flipped her nose up, the treat went flying, and it came back down directly into her mouth. What a trick! Then, for whatever reason, someone decided to throw a hamburger at the dog. It hit the dog's stomach and bounced upwards. The dog was shocked and jumped up, and when the hamburger came crashing back down on top of the dog, the dog jumped in fright. She jumped so high that she was flying across the room, and everyone stood up in alarm, ready to catch the dog. But she landed safely in Ellen's arms, knocking Ellen back down on the couch. To top it all off, just after being caught, the dog turned her head just right to catch the hamburger. She set the burger down on top of Ellen's head, and the entire room erupted in laugher and applause.

I'm not sure how long I was there just hanging out with Ellen and the dog, but after a while I knew I had to go. I had friends and a hubby to meet up with! I waved goodbye with a smile and walked out the door, down the road about a block, then turned down an alley to find the end of the raid, right in front of me. I pulled out my phone to call the others, but before I could dial I looked up to see hubby and Jax walking towards me, talking and laughing. They saw me and waved, and I ran over to meet them. We stared at the end of the raid, proud of reaching it together, just the three of us.

That was it. We made it, and I woke up. =)

Uncomfortable Situations...

Okay so, last night I had about three dreams back to back. Two of them seemed to be related and ran together, though I know they were separate. The third one, I'm not sure how it tied in but it seemed like the natural progression of things.

In the first dream, I was helping out at a school organization; I'm not sure if it was supposed to be high school or middle school or even elementary school. It was kind of like a day to show off all the work the students had done thoughout the year, which is an elementary school tradition--but it was organized in posters and tables down this very confusing two-story maze of halls, which seemed more like a middle school thing--yet some of the friends I saw helping out were from high school.

Either way, we were showing off things that had clearly been done throughout our entire lives. Apparently I had volunteered to make lemonade and snacks for everyone helping out, because one of my friends asked me if we had any lemonade made up yet. I said yes, and that I'd go get her some. Another friend asked me to bring her a ham (I know, weird) and told me where I could find it. So I went off in search of lemonade and ham. Unfortunately, the hallways were extremely confusing. They zigzagged back and forth, and you had to travel down each hallway to get to the next, there was no connecting perpendicular hall. The halls at the very top and bottom of the layout also had stairwells at the ends to lead to different levels. It almost seemed like a video game progression, though I didn't think of that at the time.

I managed to get myself lost when I found an extra stairwell that led up to a convenience store. They had a full two rows of baked goods, and they looked SO GOOD. I realized I was wasting time staring at these breads, donuts, strudels, and danishes and that people were waiting for me. I took note of where I had entered to get here, and continued down the halls. I found the lemonade and was pouring a glass for my friend when a teacher from my elementary school (I think...) called for me from a nearby booth, just to let me know her and a few other teachers had found a drawing I had done and wanted to know if perhaps they could keep it as an example for future kids. I was glad to help out (and have less trash to take home with me) and the teachers will thrilled.

Just as I was turning back to head for the ham, the friend who had asked for it found me and wanted to know what was taking so long. I let her know I was a bit lost, and she helped me (down the very next hall, of course) and we got the ham for her, then returned the lemonade to our friend.

After that, we entered into the second dream. I had gone back up the stairwell and to the baked goods section of that convenience store. I knew I had my truck parked outside, and my girlfriend was back at home waiting for me with the kids (Okay so, I'm married to a guy in real life, so I can't quite explain how I knew it was a girlfriend waiting for me, and I have no idea how we had kids). I had a part time shift at this store, and I would probably end up spending a good chunk of my small paycheck on this food, but I didn't care because I was very hungry and for some reason was craving these foods.

I had to do some looking around though, because at one point one of the boxes of donuts said it was $100, another was $85... I knew that was ridiculous but in the dream it only felt like it was a little high, and  I was sure I could find a cheaper brand for maybe $60 or so.

I found an armful of baked deliciousness before I realized it, and it was getting way too late. It was probably around 1am, and my girlfriend would NOT be happy. Especially when the reason I was late was food. I managed to get to the checkout counter, waited in line for a good while, then finally made it out with lots less money and lots more reasons to work out. -___-

I walked outside with a few bags of food and got to my truck, sat down, shut the door, then noticed something wasn't right... my truck had been broken into! Nothing seemed to be stolen at first glance, but I knew there was a video game convention in town and my DS was in back... I checked to see that it was still there, as were all of my games for it... but I had an extension that snapped onto it, and it was missing. I wasn't sure if it had been taken or if I had left it at home, but either way I was a bit worried. Seeing nothing else missing, I started to drive off.

(This part of the dream I have had before...)
I pulled out onto the highway, in the only direction that could take me home, but there was a very dangerous game taking  place this night. The highway was surrounded by dense forests for miles, with small service roads to either side. Up and down the four lane highway, each lane going a different direction, were large vehicles with sharp blades spinning in front of them, and scythes jutting out to either side. They were not driving on the road but actually being zipped down huge cables above each lane, and moving very quickly. I was terrified, because I knew I could not outdrive these massive machines. I veered back into the service lane, and had to dodge a few oncoming vehicles who were about to get onto the life-threatening highway, laughing as they did so. I tried to drive back the other direction, but it would have taken me farther from home and closer to the unknown. I couldn't stay on the service road because it was now packed with people attempting to hop on the Highway of Death. I just sort of sat there, alone and confused and scared, not sure what I was supposed to do, still wary of the fact that my vehicle had been searched.

(Back to the new stuff that I haven't dreamed before...)
I started looking at the other cars and seeing that the people were starting to get out of their vehicles and be strapped into the death machines flying down the road, rather than driving their own vehicles in front of them. Most of them were golden or bronze, but I began to see ones painted in fanciful colors and images, even one painted like a ladybug! I realized that some of these were made for CHILDREN to get in. I couldn't believe anyone would let their kids get in one of those deathtraps... It just wasn't right! I knew I had no choice and no other way home, so I lined up with the others to be seated in one. Once I was strapped in, things changed.

Suddenly I wasn't racing in some killing machine but was in line for Christmas shopping. It was all done very methodically these days, where people strapped into seats and were slowly taken down the aisles of the store, with all the merchandise lined up on the walls within reach. As your chair passed the items, if you wanted them you grabbed them. At the end of the ride, you checked out, and I had picked up a bunch of toys for the kids and random other items that I don't quite remember... Someone commented on one of them though and I remember laughing about it. Anyways, though I don't remember making it home, I remember feeling much more safe and knowing that I would in fact make it home alright. And with food! =D

Then, somehow completely unrelated, I was having a third dream. It just happened, no break in between, just the blink of an eye and suddenly it was a completely different situation, completely different location, and completely different mindset, as if I had been in this third dream all along.

I was in a very well-to-do neighborhood, delivering some groceries to a friend's house. He wasn't home at the time, but his step-father was, as well as his younger brother. His brother was about 13 or so and was outside hanging with some friends. His stepfather let me into the house, and I knew where everything went so I started to put things away. His stepfather stood by and watched.

This man was a bit unnerving. He was very nice, he was very friendly, always had a smile for everyone and even when he was mad he was still quiet and calm. Eerily calm. He loved his wife, they had a wonderful little family, lots of money (though I don't know what he did for a living that paid for it all), and he welcomed everyone into his home if they needed something and always asked guests to stay for dinner.

While putting the groceries away, he started up some small talk, and we started laughing and such, very friendly conversations about nothing at all (weather, my friend, my friend's brother, etc). I was moving around the kitchen putting things in cabinets and pantries, and he started moving around the kitchen as well, very slowly getting a cup and getting ice and getting a drink, slowly managing his task to bring him closer to me. During our chat he reached a hand out and rested it on my shoulder, and in that instant, the moment he touched me, I became afraid. And I felt very uneasy.

He wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. He was following me around the kitchen, and he started grabbing at me, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me against him, running his fingers through my hair, grabbing a handful and pulling my head back so he could run his other hand down my neck... I was very scared of him now. He was suddenly forceful and rough, and I couldn't get away from him. I couldn't yell or scream or fight back, because of who he was. I knew in my heart that if I didn't do as he wanted, he would kill me.

I was still trying to avoid him though, as I put the rest of the groceries away. I was sliding out from his grasp to reach a cabinet, spinning around him to get to the fridge, pulling back to get to a drawer... yet still he followed, still he reached, still he had a hold on me. He whispered to me at one point that I would never get away from him, that he would have what he wanted when he wanted, no matter where I was. He said he enjoyed the feel of me in his own home, and I had to wonder how many other girls had been raped by him beneath his own roof.

I could hear my friend's little brother coming in the front door, and although I did not want to be caught in this position (I know how things would be turned around, and how I would get blamed) I did want an interruption so I could possibly escape this house and this terrifying man. His brother came in, started talking to us, and I was just putting away the bags from the groceries, and mentioned that it was about time I headed home. Naturally the man invited me to stay for dinner, and the welcoming smile on his face and the innocent friendliness with which he said it just floored me. He must have been a psychopath, there was no other way he could hide his emotion from his eyes as perfectly as he had. My friend's brother jumped right on board, begging me to stay for dinner. I really couldnt, I said, I had to get home... but I didn't think I had a choice. My friend's brother said there was something he wanted to show me in his room, and could I please come see it? It was really cool. So I sighed and said I would see what it was but then I had to get home...

We got up to his room and I should have known it would happen, it had to be something that ran in the family. He was acting just like his father (my friend's stepdad) and was starting to do the same things... beginning with locking the door behind us. Great, so in my attempt to be friendly and bring food over, I was going to get raped twice before I ever made it out the front door. And once by a 13 year old!

Luckily, I was able to wake up before anything REALLY bad happened. I'm afraid to go back to sleep, just in case I start right where it left off. But I doubt that will happen. Still, what a horrible thing to know is coming in a dream. So glad it wasn't real. =(

School Time!

Last night's dream was simple enough, and reminded me of how I used to be in High School. I know I should have pushed it out of my mind rather than thought further on it, but I couldn't stop myself.

It's too much like a personal warning.

So, here's my dream:

In the dream, I was going to school. I didn't seem to be younger again or anything, I was still 25 and still a part of everything that I have today (hubby, kids, etc.) and I'm not entirely sure what "grade" I was in... or if it was supposed to be at a college level... All I know is, it was school. I know it had at least two classes, too. Though I still can't be sure exactly what those classes were.

Anyways... so it starts out with me going to this school. I'm in class, and the teacher is talking and explaining out something... I believe it was near the end of the class, since what he/she seemed to be explaining was how to do the homework. I've always hated homework most days, mainly because it seemed useless (in my case at least, I understand there are people who needed it just to make sure they really did know what they were doing) and very rarely did I actually do my homework on time or even by myself ("sharing" was a normal thing on the bus ride to school). So naturally in a dream, I wasn't concentrating on the homework at all. I grabbed a bundle of homework supplies that I would need to complete it, shoved it in my backpack, and went to the next class.

The next class was much the same, except this one had a substitute teacher. He/she (I wasn't sure on either teacher if they were men or women) was explaining something we were supposed to write or think on for homework. I know it wasn't just something to think about because we WERE expected to turn in some sort of paper the next day. But it was also supposed to require quite a bit of thinking.

I took the bus home, just barely remembering to grab my backpack before getting off. But then I went about my normal life, as if school didn't even exist. The next morning, hubby's alarm went off and I remembered that I was supposed to turn in my non-existent homework that day. As usual, procrastination kicked me into overdrive and before I even got dressed for the day, I snatched up my backpack and pulled out every paper and bag--I didn't even know what the work was supposed to be!

Here's where it gets a bit creepy, and please excuse this part here, it's no reflection of anything that actually goes on in my conscious mind; I pulled out a handful of plastic bags, with handles that were meant to be separated and tied together. The image on the bag was instructions for how to put it on an animal's head and tie it tightly about their neck. I imagine this was directions for how to properly suffocate and then decapitate a creature. Once again this is nothing that would EVER go through my head in the real world and it shocked me both in and out of the dream. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with that bag, so I tossed it to the side for now and went to pull out paper and a pencil for the other assignment.

Until I looked at the clock. It was already three minutes until the half hour, and the bus would be arriving soon! I quickly got dressed and scooped up any homework-related items and shoved them all into my backpack, just to make sure I had them when I got to school. I could always get the work done at some point, I just had to make sure I was on that bus, otherwise it'd all be pointless.

I was worried though, because I never did my homework and I knew that this time, THIS time, would be different. This time would have some serious repercussions, and none of the teachers expected me to turn anything in anyways. I was disappointed in myself and was I hated the most was that during the overnight hours before falling asleep, the homework had run through my head, I had though of it and I had planned to do it, but just never got around to it. =(

Hubby's alarm went off in real life at this point and I snapped awake.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, here's what I think of all this. I believe that this dream was referring to the book I'm currently writing. Or at least, attempting to write. I've never written a book before... I have a good idea as to how, since I've read enough books to grasp the general concept, and when I was younger I did write 15 pages front and back of a story that I swore would be a book one day... but losing that notebook was a crushing blow to those dreams. To THESE dreams. My greatest hope is that one day I will have this trilogy in my head published--not just published but sold in a major bookstore, like Borders or Barnes and Noble--so that the whole world can experience this universe inside my head. So other people can meet the Great Dragon King as well and go on adventures with him.

But here's my problem. Never in my life have I been this committed to something. Never have I ever put this much effort into something. Never did I imagine that I would be working on turning this dream into a reality. And yet, here I am. Here I am, on this brand new laptop that hubby bought me to help me further my dreams and my amateur career. I don't want to let him down. Just as I don't want to let my teachers down in this dream.

I think this dream was my subconscious's way of expressing all my fears and doubts relating to this gigantic task I've assigned myself.

I want to write this book, but I never seem to have the time. Its expected to be completed at some point and I am afraid that I'm not going to have it done in a timely enough manner to satisfy those people around me who are expecting it.

But my REAL fears...

• I'm afraid I'm going to get writer's block. I'm worried that I'm going to get stuck, and that I'm not going to be able to finish writing this book, let alone this TRILOGY, and I'm terrified that I will have spent all this time for nothing, only to be forced to give up because I lost my drive and my vision.
• I'm afraid I'm going to butcher it. I'm scared that I'm going to be so overcome with my personal fears that I'm going to force myself to write faster than I otherwise would have on my own, and that I'm going to ruin the amazing storyline that I envisioned this would be. I'm afraid that this story is going to get messed up somehow, that halfway through it, the original thought process will be lost and that it's not going to make sense, or that the underlying basis of the story is going to be thrown off track and it's not going to measure out the way it's supposed to.
• I'm afraid that I'm going to spend all this time, all this energy, writing this book, only to not get it published. To find out that no one likes the story, no one wants to publish it, and worse, that no one wants to read it. The idea of putting yourself out there just to be shot down is more terrifying than the idea of not writing it at all.

But you see, I have to write this book. Dream or no dream, fears or no fears, this is what I am going to do with my life. Ever since I was a child, I've wanted to write. This "school" dream of mine was just the push from my subconscious, reminding me that I am, in fact, afraid. But I think I need to have these fears... because they save me from overconfidence, they save me from not thinking, and they save me from myself.